I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
