It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
