Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
