she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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