the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
