Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
