I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
