He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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