ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
