You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
