Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
