Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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