i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
