I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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