check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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