I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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