guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
