You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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