He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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