summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
