I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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