i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
