Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
