You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
