I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
