just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
