I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
