Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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