He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
