Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
