Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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