i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
