sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm at about main and main street
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
