He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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