So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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