I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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