The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
