Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
