can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
