Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
