only if we run a train.
done.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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