Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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