when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize