My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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