I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
