He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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