Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
