At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
