Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
