I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
