Soap is not a condiment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
