Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want her autograph on my taint
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
