She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
