Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
