she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
