So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
