Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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