I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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