walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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