i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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