just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
