Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
