Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
