Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
